


Final confession

by yuume



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-11
Updated: 2014-03-11
Packaged: 2018-01-15 07:22:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1296379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuume/pseuds/yuume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No matter how much Eren refused to believe it, he was already irrevocably in love with Levi</p>
            </blockquote>





	Final confession

Every story has a moral.

 

Good or bad, every story should have a moral. This idea can also be put into our everyday lives. Every experience we live through, should have a lesson. Whether it be ‘live everyday without regrets’ or ‘don’t leave what you can do today, for tomorrow.’ 

 

Life should be lived as a lesson. A lesson that we can pass on to younger generations. A lesson that we can learn from and grow from. A lesson, good or bad that we have to accept.

\---

 

All of Eren’s life has been a huge lesson. 

 

Seeing his mother being eaten alive taught him that the world was cruel

 

Hearing the cries and screams of his comrades as their bodies were impaled against buildings, taught him not to let his emotions rule him.

 

Knowing the extra devotion Levi carried for him, taught him to not take things for granted.

 

But, all these lessons were learned to late. By the time he learned the moral behind each of these experiences, he was too late.

 

So, another way to describe his life was a life of regrets.

.

.

.

 

However, his biggest regret would be with Levi. The same man who save him from having his head blown off by the military police, and again from the female titan. 

 

The man that seemed disinterested in everything but him.

.

.

.

Eren may have been slow but he wasn’t stupid. He knew Levi had feelings him. He knew it from his actions, heard it from his voice, and saw it in his eyes.

 

He knew all of it, but still he choose to overlook them. 

 

How could he have accepted those feelings? He was only 15 and Levi was 34. There was no way he would love a man who was more than twice his age. 

 

Levi-heichou, I’m sorry

 

By any definition dating someone who was that old was wrong, in the unethical sense. But chemistry and feelings weren’t something that can disappear if you ignore it long enough. They were something tangible while age was nothing but a number.

 

And Eren knew that now.

 

I’m sorry for everything I’ve done

 

.

.

.

From the beginning, he noticed certain small ticks in the way Levi talked around him. Whether it was at squad meeting or if they were alone, Levi would find extra time to explain everything to him. He heard the patience in Levi’s voice, when he explained to him for the third time that day why the female titan was Annie. 

 

While most people would be annoyed by his stubborn insistence that there’s no way Annie was a titan shifter and that everything that had happened were merely coincidental, Levi was different. He was calm in presenting to him the evidence. In explaining why Armin came to that conclusion. Why everything wasn’t coincidental.

 

That was the first time, he noticed something different about Levi.

 

Also the first time he brushed it off a merely a leader doing his job of explaining to the subordinate.

 

I’m sorry

 

After that day, he began to notice more and more of these little actions. Whenever, he was injured, the first person he would wake up to see is Levi. Each time he could see the dark circles under his eyes as if he hadn’t gotten enough sleep for the past few days.

 

Each time Levi would ask those same questions. How are you feeling? Are you thirsty? Do you want food? I’m sorry for letting you get into these kinds of dangerous situations.

 

And each time, he brushed it off as him doing his job as a superior. Each fucking time he told himself, if it were Mikasa, or Petra, or Armin in his position, Levi would do the same thing.

 

He let himself believe this, so every time he would reply in the same way. I fine. No, I’m not thirsty. I don’t want food. 

 

The way a hint of sadness would enter Levi’s eyes after his detached responses were always something that pricked at him, like thorns on a rose.

 

But, he buried that annoyance. He choose to not let it affect him. 

 

I’m sorry

 

However, those days were nothing compared to the day Levi confessed to him. After months of trying to turn a blind eye on those blatantly clear signals that he was something special to Levi, he was faced with those three words he didn’t want to hear.

 

“I love you”

 

He still remembered that day. It was in the middle of winter on their 70th expedition out of the walls. The snow was falling hard, and the sound of leaves rustling in the wind could be heard. Every time he closed his eyes he could still smell that distinct crisp scent of that cold night. 

 

“I love you” 

 

Those three little words when they came out from Levi’s mouth, brought a pained feeling to him instead. 

 

What was he suppose to say? He didn’t love Levi, he couldn’t. It was wrong. Everything about their relationship would be wrong.

 

He was older than him. He was his superior. He was nothing more than a treasured comrade.

 

 

Repeating these phrases to himself over and over again, Eren reject him. 

 

That desolate look on Levi’s face when those words of rejection came out of his mouth, was forever a memory etched inside his mind.

 

For weeks after that confession, that same look would appear in his head at night. Every time he looked at Levi, he saw nothing but that same lost and sad expression. 

 

He was older than him. He was his superior. They were nothing more than comrades. 

 

Those were the three phrases that became a mantra for him, and because of these words, he told himself. He couldn’t, he wouldn’t fall in love with Levi.

 

I’m sorry

 

Each day as Eren repeated those words to himself, they became more and more hollow sounding. They were slowly losing their meaning, but even so, he told himself, he wouldn’t fall in love with him.

 

But even so with this rejection, he noted that Levi never let up his ways. He still continued to devote himself to Eren.

 

If he was cold, Levi would lend him his jacket.

 

If he was upset, Levi would still be there comforting him

 

If he was in danger, Levi would be the first to rush in front of him.

 

With all these continued actions, Eren found himself feeling more lost than ever.

 

I’m sorry

 

In fact, he was perfectly content with living the rest of his life feeling lost. No matter how guilty he felt, he was able to live with the fact that no matter how much Levi cared and loved for him, he would never let himself fall in love with him.

 

It was wrong. He was older. They would never work.

 

However, this resolve crumbled when he watched Levi dive in front him, shielding him from that titan. He watched in horror, as the huge beast clamped it’s jaws down on the left half of Levi’s body. He felt the blood spray onto his face. Felt the world collapse around him when Levi’s mangled body fell in a heap on the ground.

 

That scream that erupted from his mouth was something he didn’t recognize. Everything that happened afterwards felt like a blur. He didn’t notice the shocked expression on Erwin’s face, or the fact that Armin was by his side trying to calm him, or that Mikasa flew in from half a kilometer away just to kill the titan for him. 

 

Instead the only thing that he could focus on was Levi. 

 

The way that half his body was missing, yet he still was somehow conscious.

 

“Eren” A spray of blood erupted from his mouth. “Are you hurt?”

 

Pulling away from Armin, Eren sank down beside Levi. Tears clouded his eyes as an urge to scream overcame him. He wanted to curse at Levi for being so fucking idiotic and jumping in front of him, but instead the only word that came out was “why?”

 

“Because” Another cough. “No matter what, I’ll always love you.”

 

He felt his insides turn to ice, as those words registered. Why? Why did Levi after all this still love him? 

 

“I…” Eren stopped himself. What the hell was he doing? What could he possibly say at this moment? In fact, the only correct thing to say right now, was ‘I love you too’ But he didn’t love Levi….right?

 

If this was the case, why did he feel like the world stopped spinning. Why was it that the only thought in his head when he watched Levi’s body being ripped in half, was that he wanted to die alongside him? Why? 

 

He never felt this way when he watched Thomas get eaten, or when Petra was smeared across the tree. They were his comrades weren’t they? So why didn’t he feel like this at their deaths?

 

Running a blood smeared hand in his hair, he stared down at the small barely visible smile across Levi’s face. 

 

He didn’t love him right?

 

Even though he knows all of Levi’s pet peeves, his habits, his behaviors. He didn’t love him right? 

 

Who cares if he remembers every single detail of Levi’s confession. From the scenery on that day to the changing emotions in his eyes at his rejection. It didn’t mean he loved him right?

 

 

“You’re older than me, you’re my superior, we wouldn’t work together.” This words tumbled out from Eren’s lips, as his voice cracked. 

 

Right now, these words never sounded so fake to his ears. 

 

They say you don’t know what you’ve lost until it’s too late, and at this exact moment, Eren knew exactly what he lost.

 

He lost a possible future with Levi

 

He lost the chance to repay him for everything he’s done for him.

 

He lost the chance to reciprocate his feelings…because it was in the moment in which he lost everything, did he realize, no matter how much he told himself he wouldn’t fall in love with Levi, he was already in love.


End file.
